Shooting From The Hip 10/14/08
A Moped
. ( nothing more than a tricked up Schwinn )
Warrior Point Shaver Monte Ellis will miss 30 games this season following a moped injury sustained in the off season
.
So I got the scoop as to what really happened
the truth is
he wrenched his back trying to put the training wheels on it.
Apparently this was in violation of his contract, which prohibits him from navigating dangerous leisure vehicles
You guys know me and how I ALWAYS take a hard line against stupidity . But in this case I don't think it's fair that he be punished.
That's Right
I Don't !!!
Instead , I really feel sorry for Monte , for I , too , am currently involved with a similar , bitter , contract dispute
.
Two weeks ago while licking an envelope I suffered a severe paper cut
on my tongue
And now the studio has banned me from starring in any Porn Flicks for the next 6 months
Dammit to hell
It just ain't fair !
I was to begin shooting next week.
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The Sick Mind of a Handicapper
..
The minute I learned that Dallas was playing The Rams this Sunday I wondered if there was an Over / Under Prop for
combined fumbles for both teams.
I thought to myself : " If I can find some
Jackass with the prop ,
I'll pound his fat ass with The OVER
Stephen Jackson and Tony Romo should cover that number all by themselves
And too bad it's not being played outdoors
. I'd back the truck right up to the betting window.
FORGEDDABOUDIT !!!!
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Quiz Question
all of these personalities pictured below have one thing in common
can you figure out what it is ????
Child Actor Gary Coleman
Fitness Fruitcake Richard Simmons
Actor Raymond Burr
Derby Winner Big Brown
Rosie O'Donnell
Comedy Greats
Buddy Abbott and Lou Costello
My Golden Boy , Earl
And New York State Lottery Spokesperson " Little Bit 'O Luck "
Answer : All of them tried out for the Washington State QB position a few weeks ago in an open try out.
After 2 grueling days of vigorous workouts ,
Coach Wulff raved about
Abbott and Costello , saying :
Wulff: "They've got that certain chemistry, their timing is impeccable , and their one - two punch is exactly what this team needs " .
Wulff's Assistant : " But Coach
Bud and Lou have been dead for the past 35 years."
Wulff: "Damn it to hell
I can't catch a freaking break "
Coach Wulff's next choice was
Raymond Burr
Wulff: " Then I'll go with Burr
he's big and strong and determined
besides
he smells good ."
Wulff's Assistant : " But Coach
I've seen that guy on TV
he's paralyzed from the waist down ! "
Wulff : " Who gives a shit ?
he can hand off and throw , right ? "
Wulff's Assistant : " Coach , you're an
Idiot "
Wulff : " I know
the trick is not to let anyone else know
here
here's $500
don't breathe a single word to no one "
So with the whole ridiculous idea of a tryout having failed , a very disappointed Wulff decided to go with
World Famous Marshall Lobbestael until he got Jacked - Up .... ( I guess this cheapskate takes his offensive line over to
"White Castle" for flimsy square hamburgers rather than a good steakhouse . ) He was then replaced by
Household Name freshman Dan Wagner, who played his heart out and performed brilliantly , tenaciously and doggedly ; leading his team on a fierce 4th quarter comeback before losing a heartbreaker to Oregon St , 66-13
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Surely you just know that sooner or later I'd get around to Johnny Miller
It's old news but worthy nonetheless
Johnny Miller
the bitter, washed-up, racist, is a disgrace to sports announcing
Rocco Mediate, a 45-year-old Pennsylvanian of Italian heritage, held a one-stroke lead over
Tiger Woods during the fourth round of this year's US Open. Miller said :
"Mediate looks like the guy who cleans Tiger's swimming pool."
He also said, "Guys with the name 'Rocco' don't get on the trophy, do they?"
How this makes me feel :
This was a real slap in the face not only to all people of Italian anscestry , but everyone viewing The Open.
NBC could and should have stepped in and suspended Miller indefinitely and demanded that he seek professional counselling.
But no
the piece of crap was allowed to skate
and this is sad.
Imagine if he puked out an insult about an African - American , a Jewish person, or a Spaniard ? All hell would have broken loose.
As an Italian - American I feel there should have been more of a protest by the Italian Community, but apparently there wasn't.
And that saddens me all the more.
( I called NBC 5 minutes after I heard his remarks
. I'd have called sooner but I wanted to hear what else Miller had to say
I wanted to alert them about what he was doing
and in looking back I'm disappointed that I got through to them on the very first try
)
So John
John
. John
Yeah you pulled a few tournaments out of your white bread ass in your day when
FIXES were common in order to bolster network ratings on Sunday afternoons by paying off lesser known players who were at the top of the leaderboard on Friday night so they could step aside and let
The Players , The Palmers , The Nicklauses , and yes The Millers be showcased
but if you were playing now
you'd never make a single cut .
And as far as broadcasting is concerned , you're not even smart enough to be
Jim Nance's Go-Fer .
Clearly you hate Italians and God knows who else
but someone soooooo lucky as you to even have this gig really should keep his innermost feelings to himself.
You hit The Lottery, Miller
now for Chrissakes all you have to do is be smart enough to take the money , sit on your fat ass , and whisper into a microphone.
But you'll slip up again
it's in your blood
and when you do , hopefully NBC will have no other choice but to do the right thing and terminate you.
-Neil
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Shooting From The Hip 10/14/08
U-C-O-N-N = Uconn! Uconn! Uconn!
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